I am not yet in my 40’s. My life in the last 2 years has grown more and more lethargic – from lax cooking, to movement, to… nearly everything. I even stopped my nutrigenomic protocol after Wash was born, thinking I was doing a lot better (haha). The only thing I have kept up on was learning rhythm, minus illness times and postpartum.
I found myself over the last year or under telling Daryl, “I can’t do everything. I can’t keep this up. I feel like I am drowning.” The need to cook healthy foods, to learn well, to parent 5 small children, to keep the house clean… and that didn’t even include time for me to sew or paint or learning the violin.
Melody, now a legal adult, moved out in May, and while it was absolutely for the best for her and for everyone else, it caused a lot of emotional turmoil for the little ones trying to understand it all. Even the logistics of daily family life shifted and it took a little bit to figure out our new rhythms.
In September of this year, I was freshly pregnant with our 7th expectant child. I was not prepared for it and knew the physical toll it could and would take on my body, with all of my last 5 pregnancies happening 2 years or less apart. Between every pregnancy/birth, about 6-9 months postpartum and onward, I would watch my dental health finally improve. Immediately upon getting pregnant, my teeth start to turn see-through and start decaying – it’s become a quick “sign” of pregnancy for me, Princess Bubblegum and beyond. Yikes!
A month in to the pregnancy and I said to Daryl a couple of times, “I feel really heart-broken about having our first baby after Melody moved away. Like I am betraying her. I know it’s not true, it’s just the feeling I have and I don’t know how to shake it.”
The evening of October 18, I had a heart attack. When I couldn’t breathe my way out of an “anxiety attack” and laying down didn’t slow anything, I knew what it was and had Daryl bring me the cayenne tincture. Within well under a minute (much closer to about 15 seconds), the cayenne worked it’s way to stop the attack (it also works with the same speed for strokes).
The last 5 weeks has been a slow slow process of a healing spiral. Just when I think something improves, it flares up again only to show me that it was a good thing, a healing crisis. Here’s a good example. About 6 months or a little more ago, I had a regular chiropractic session to get my talus back into my foot properly. I’d already had 5 or so visits for that issue. That day, both of my feet swelled up and never went away.
Maybe a week or so after my heart attack, I prayed one night about both my heart issues and my feet swelling, “God, you want me to be healed. You ARE healing me. I AM healed.” Then I promptly drifted off to sleep. I didn’t pass on to Daryl what I had prayed – and unbeknownst to me, he woke up in the morning and felt led to put his hand on my foot nearest him and to pray for my healing.
When I woke up in the morning, the swelling in my feet was completely gone! A few days later, completely perplexing me, it came back. The swelling was slightly less in my feet and ankles, but was ALL over my body. Swollen knees, stomach, neck, hands and arms.
When I play frequencies for kidney insufficiency, the swelling goes away for days at a time. It’s pretty weird to see what a physical difference this makes on me! I look like I gain a lot of “fat,” but it’s all water – and I can physically feel the liquid retention under my skin.
I had some “fun” tests run in a bigger city a few hours away and it all confirmed the issues I was suspecting with my heart, and tossed a few surprises for the fun of it. Ha!
Now my days are slower. I only have so much energy before I need a nap. I only have so much energy for walking. Or standing. Or anything. I think it’s possibly effecting my emotions, too, possibly creating some feeling of isolation and aloneness, of people pulling away from me. Which, maybe that is true, and normally it wouldn’t phase me so much, and it is now. Who knows. I don’t feel shame for my own choices causing this – it just is that way. Beating myself up won’t do any good. I need to move forward and every step MUST be packed with the deepest intention and weight into it because I can’t take even as many figurative (or literal) steps as I was once able to.
Here is my current plan of action for my daily living, to aid my heart in the healing that it wants, and is meant, to do. I hope that it may help others who prefer to naturally and safely care for themselves and their family:
- reduce stress (my personal list) – go to bed at a decent time, preferably before 11pm; meditate with Christ; art journaling at least once a week; at least 30 minutes of personal reading a day.
- move more & dynamically – Nutritious Movement Virtual Studio 30-60 minute class on M/W/F and then applying it to real life; brief walk every morning to whatever my body can currently handle; looking into finding an indoor salt water pool I can pay to use twice a week (unlikely, but would be a lovely way to move more… and it would be a reduce stress thing, as well).
- keep cayenne tincture on hand
- wintergreen essential oil in jojoba oil, on my chest – works as a blood thinner
- mag-a-hol is amazing for the heart and every muscle in the body
- green tea in the mornings, specifically matcha
- rhodiola rosea, a powerhouse of health for so many things! I add this to my morning matcha, along with tinctures
- motherwort tincture – the alcohol draws out properties in motherwort that water cannot that are specifically amazing for healing the heart
- hawthorne berry tea – I also have a tincture going of this that should be ready in about 3 weeks
- horsetail herb (specifically, equisetum hyemale, as it doesn’t have the irritabilty factor to the intestines that other varieties do)
- a tincture with valerian, skullcap, and passionflower
- ensuring that these foods are regularly incorporated into diet – juniper berry, ginger, cilantro, apricots, berries, swiss chard, peanut butter, and olive oil
Beautiful Chaos 