Breaking free

It’s endlessly fascinating (and often exhausting) being a type 4/winter. I simply love studying, things, ideas, all the things the Lord created, people and their behaviors – even myself! LOL
So, I have been really mindful of watching myself when I start using FB more (I am using it again… that phrasing is very interesting in light of this post) because I know, unfortunately, it’s a way to avoid emotions (yes, that works for everyone! *sarcasm*). Now I’ve done it for so long as a “coping mechanism” that it’s a scary habit, without thought.

One day, Daryl and I were driving back home together after I picked him up from work. He was talking while I held a book in my hands. I was engaged with him, but I realized I was fiddling with the book in my hands. I was thumbing it… as though it were a tablet or smart phone. That was the moment, in horror, that I decided to start studying myself, so that online time is without thought, without meaning or intention.

Last night happened so sneakily.

Daryl read me a paper about the county demanding property tax or they would send out a warrant for his arrest by X date (what the crap – debtors prison is supposed to be illegal!). I knew I was immediately pissed off with governments literally putting you at gunpoint to pay extortion  “taxes.” I knew within an hour I was not only pissed off, I was taking it out at the family by not being gracious with anything. And within 20 minutes of that, after several days of pretty limited social media, I was on for an hour solid. Stewing. I got off when I realized what I was doing.

Okay. One trigger… stress and anger.

The interesting thing, to me is, that I caught it rather quickly that I was “crutching” right then. It didn’t take me days or weeks or more.

Now, to make a list of things to, not only avoid using the device, but to get at the root issues of emotion:

“I need to journal a LOT, blog a little bit, and facebook rarely.”

Community Hopes

A few years ago, I really, truly thought someone had traveled a long way to come visit me for my birthday. I knew for certain they were already traveling about half-way. I was so psyched out and excited even though I kept saying out loud, “no, I don’t know for sure that they are coming.” But, the person I was SO hoping to see was known for surprises, so it was hard not to get too excited. I asked Daryl if he knew anything about them coming and he said no – but I thought he was in on it.
I’d just had a miscarriage about a month and a half before my birthday and it was my emotionally hardest one of all 8 miscarriages. I had finally started coming through the depression when that weekend happened. When Sunday rolled around and I knew for sure that the person wasn’t coming, I could barely get out of bed, I was so heartbroken.
I have questioned my belonging in some areas over the last little while, and I kept telling myself that I was going to see something surprising and encouraging when I came home, but I found nothing of what I was anticipating. I know I could still be surprised, but my anticipation in it is now gone.
This time, I am not huddled on my bed, feeling discouraged and isolated though. I am finding promise that I need to seek what I am needing in different ways, to invest more deeply in the individuals I’ve always loved, and not hold expectations for certain things that I am really hoping for. Let hope thrive, but not expect. ❤

What are some lessons you are learning in your emotional life right now?

Vocation Vision


As time goes on, my knowledge base grows and shifts and I realize what things tend to consistently work for most people and what things are less common in aiding people, but are still useful.
This leads me to understand, “I need to add this to my clientele offerings; I need to find a reliable source past the few books I have that have aided me and my friends.”

Right now, my vision for Forever Young Movements is to encourage in others a healing, to bring us back to a place of childlike wonder for ourselves and the world around us. This requires that we work through trauma, in our mind, body, and spirit.

With Nutritious Movement training/certification, I’m encouraging others to take self-ownership of their bodies, to move more and as naturally as possible in a technology-laden environment. This – that we are autonomous be-ings connected with one another in community – is the foundation of my beliefs and was the needed first step (pun intended!).
With craniosacral therapy, I will be offering support through releasing both physical and emotional patterns we don’t even know need to be released.
And now, I’m understanding that aromatherapy training needs to come, as aroma connects us deeply to our whole selves, helping us to make new rhythms, inviting us to experience life in a new, connected and intentional way.

Forever Young Movements is the name I chose because I truly believe we need to seek out life as little children, wise, but unencumbered by the traumas and harms we will encounter in life, delighting in the people and world around us. And I would be blessed to walk these journeys with you and help serve you.

Lent Is An Opening, Not Simply Abstaining



So, in times past I have “celebrated” Lent, intermittently over the years, but my focus had always been about merely giving something up. It felt… miserly. It never really had been presented to me (nor had it occurred to me) that it was not really just a time of self-deprivation, of simply giving something up, but is more a time of opening up and receiving MORE.

Last year, I found this beautiful post by a fellow Restorative Exercise Specialist-in-training, Katy. It was the first time I’d come to the idea of not giving up some physical thing, an item. My heart was woo’d in that short article, glimpsing in to something deeper than merely giving up some luxury item for 40 days.

Later, I came to a different article, that I can no longer seem to find, but it presented the notion that Lent is a reminder to us that in Christ’s fasting, we do not just see Him giving things up and sacrificing food, we also see Him taking on challenges and opening up to God’s will in a very different way than He does most of His ministry on earth.

Sometime between last year’s Lent and this years, Lent became about realizing sacrifice really isn’t a withholding. Sacrifice is an opening – an invitation for more than we can imagine without that sacrifice. This has transformed every sacrifice I’ve seen someone make, in my own mind. It is not, at the heart, a giving up, but a widening. Karen Ehman wrote about this to a smaller degree than the article I am thinking of, but I still love this heart: The Reverse Lent Challenge.

I have several different things I am doing this Lenten season. I hesitate to say them, if I “fail” at going 40 days, but that is actually something I am making a part of my Lenten giving up: criticism. Giving up criticism opens me up to unconditional love and acceptance – to receive grace (Releasing Emotional Patterns with Essential Oils and Feelings: Buried Alive, Never Die are both excellent resources for understanding this!. Which means I can be okay with sharing my stumbles and forgetting things over a 40 day period.

First, I am going to make a Lenten calendar, as a celebration of what giving up really means – beauty.

Right now, a huge time-suck for myself and my children is technology. Television for them and internet for me. Shifting away from “device” is not merely to abstain, but to open up to so much more in our lives. So, my biggest physical “giving up” is televison and internet. We’re putting holds on Netflix and Hulu, freezing our internet service, and in these things place, spending more time outdoors, making handicrafts for others, and enjoying time reading and cooking together. Being with others.

Daryl, hearing me hash all of this out, started thinking quietly to himself. The following day, he said, “I was thinking about what you said, about giving something up actually leading to opening to better things. I want to give up overtime for Lent.” {stomach punch} To myself: you mean the thing that helps us make it paycheck to paycheck? 8 hours a week for meeting our bill needs and lately  another 8 to pay for extra like internet, school books (not really extras, but yet it is) and my certification week coming up.
What an encouragement from my husband, though. Trusting God will provide while Daryl spends more time over the next 40 days with us and with our community.

Not only am I putting our tv away for Lent, I am pulling specific books in for our family, incorporating/encouraging a blend of fun activities, rich activities, and quieting activities.

My heart is open and ready, preparing for renewal.
Do you do something to celebrate Lent? How have you viewed the Lenten season over your life?


Weak-willed people are difficult for me to be around. Love them, yes. Have fun with them, sure. Talk about fluffy things, absolutely.
It’s hard to have any meaningful depth with them, any action taken by their side, or real fellowship that you can trust. I know there are people who have 500+ acquaintances and enjoy that, but not many type 4’s value surface level “fluffy” things.

(I know, in turn, there are people that don’t appreciate depth, my love of it, or my fervency for victim advocacy. I really don’t care if they call me names and say I’m hate-filled towards them to be bold in speaking out for victims they created.  They can label me as people did John the baptist, “crazy,” “wild,” “too much.” I’m not going to stop speaking out for victims, the same message of calling to love and repentance, that he cried out in the wilderness.)
I read Acts 15 this morning, following along from what I’ve been slowly chewing through for the last 2 months, and was struck by verse 2:
“When Paul and Barnabas had a big argument and debate with them, the brothers appointed Paul and Barnabas with some others from among them to go up to Jerusalem to the emissaries and elders about this issue.”
(Verse 1 describes what the issue was about and all throughout the NT, this issue is made abundantly clear, but a good summary is Galatians 5:12 – the disciples were far from thinking this was personal, individualized “business” that other people should “stay out of” and did not pretend it was a matter that could or should be enforced on another.)
Argumentation and debate is *not* wrong. There are times for it. When we discuss physically maiming, assaulting, and scarring someone… this is not “foolish, ignorant controversies” as 2 Tim. 2:23 calls us away from. Romans 14:1 says not to quarrel over opinions. Defending victims of slaughter, mutilation, abuse… to repeatedly, strongly state that they should not be assaulted – this is not opinion. It is also not in vain to fight against this.

Today, I resolve to be more active, the more people I see be complacent or step back. To continue to speak truth with boldness, fervency, and passion and without judgment.

Captivating Finds


Here are some of the things that have caused me to contemplate, be encouraged, and change my ways in the last few weeks. There’s no real connection between them, aside from me appreciating them. They are worth the time to read!


I really love this so much. It makes me think of a dance routine I would watch over and over, weeping, after I learned what Doctor Horrible had done.

~ I Just Don’t See It – seeing ourselves, our parenting in glory, rather than defeat

~ How a Lack of Touch is Destroying Men

Sleeping Tigers, Switched-Off Cliffs and Teaching Toddlers about Every Day Dangers – gentle parenting toolbox, no-hit method to teach kids to not run in the street, etc.

~ How to Walk Away From a Fight With Your Child – some great points to learn in any argument, except for the police suggestion.

~ When Your Politics Become Your Lord

~ Hell: A “Biblical” Staple the Bible Never Actually Mentions

~ Nice Girls Vs. Kind Women

~ Stay Listening – how to respect a child’s bodily autonomy when they don’t want to take medicine

~ What The Bible Really Says About Routine Infant Circumcision


Words Are Powerful and They Mean Something, Part 2


I’ve written about this a little bit before.

But my thoughts are expanding on it, and I thought I would share it here….

So, I have been thinking about this. Words matter. Like.. the term “unvaccinated” bothers me because it’s using what is not the biological normal and making that the standard and comparing the biologically normal thing to the science experiment, rather than the other way around (which is how it’s done in genuinely scientific circles, not in for-profit circles). So, I say intact immune system (“unvaccinated”) and non-intact immune system (vaccinated) to make clear the reality. I also don’t say “breast is best.” Breast is the biological norm – it doesn’t offer benefits, it offers the standard, the baseline, the normal, the average… Both in nutrient obtaining and in jaw development and other physical body needs. Anything else offers LESS than that… formulas do not offer the normal baseline, they offer health risks and harms. That’s not a judgement on people who use formula or vaccines – it’s just the reality of biology and genuine terminology that expresses our baselines.

6359396398048347211068716739_bvokexbcqaanlnnThere are “smaller” and bigger, noticeable ways that our friends of color are marginalized, targeted, treated less. I am starting to think that stating anyone is “privileged” (and I’ve been using this phrase!) is causing problems. Because how white people are generally treated and enabled is the BASELINE for how *all* humans should be treated. Anything less is detrimental to our society. It also shifts the focus incorrectly as though there’s a problem with the normal, good thing, rather than stating blatantly what is a f’d up about how people of color are treated. I think I want to begin expressing the reality of harm, rather than implying normal love is the wrong thing. What we get – less police brutality,  less suspicion from society just for being, decent housing in beautiful neighborhoods, etc… These aren’t supposed to be privileges. They are supposed to be the baseline – and that means when anyone targets another to have less than that, the good thing needn’t be expressed as the oddity… The harm should be. Our friends of color are marginalized, targeted, murdered, beaten, looked at suspiciously, rejected, and more, because we make racism a hospitable home in our culture. 😦
Dunno if that makes any sense. It’s just been churning around in my type 4 heart and mind for a few weeks.