Tag Archives: healing

Vocation Vision

Standard

As time goes on, my knowledge base grows and shifts and I realize what things tend to consistently work for most people and what things are less common in aiding people, but are still useful.
This leads me to understand, “I need to add this to my clientele offerings; I need to find a reliable source past the few books I have that have aided me and my friends.”

Right now, my vision for Forever Young Movements is to encourage in others a healing, to bring us back to a place of childlike wonder for ourselves and the world around us. This requires that we work through trauma, in our mind, body, and spirit.

With Nutritious Movement training/certification, I’m encouraging others to take self-ownership of their bodies, to move more and as naturally as possible in a technology-laden environment. This – that we are autonomous be-ings connected with one another in community – is the foundation of my beliefs and was the needed first step (pun intended!).
With craniosacral therapy, I will be offering support through releasing both physical and emotional patterns we don’t even know need to be released.
And now, I’m understanding that aromatherapy training needs to come, as aroma connects us deeply to our whole selves, helping us to make new rhythms, inviting us to experience life in a new, connected and intentional way.

Forever Young Movements is the name I chose because I truly believe we need to seek out life as little children, wise, but unencumbered by the traumas and harms we will encounter in life, delighting in the people and world around us. And I would be blessed to walk these journeys with you and help serve you.

Releasing The Tie That Binds Me, Part 1

Standard

This is a work in progress. Check back later for updates if you would like!

16143158_172579246560828_5274491418552126104_n

My tongue tie has been tight as long as I could remember. I knew my frenulum was restricted even before I knew it as a frenulum or what “tongue ties” were or that it effected anything.

When I started researching why my babies hurt me when they nursed and didn’t gain well at all, I came upon tongue and lip ties. Along my researching, I found this video, and it made me wonder what my body was doing involuntarily because of my own tongue tie, or what tensions I hold without realizing because it’s so “every day:”

 

Awhile back, I had a friend share pictures with me of an OLD book she owns, in which tongue tie revision is noted in its own section. Revisions are not some new little fad. Take a look at page 326-327 of Dr. Chase’s Recipes, from the year 1874!! (What this means is: breastfeeding has always revealed this. Synthetic formula has masked it and led to lifelong issues for so many people!) I’ve read other articles that say revisions were taking place in the late 1600’s, too, but there was no citation for it.

Recently, that same friend had her tongue tie released and has expressed much of what the woman in that video did, and more. Migraines gone, pigeon-toe gone, her face shape has changed! She was the catalyst for me wanting to get a release, too.

Here is a pretty lengthy list of the things an adult can suffer because of a tongue tie – it’s pretty intense!
There are many stories of tongue tie releases as adults – very much worth reading! “I Wish I Wasn’t Tied” is a blog dedicated to collecting these stories.

 

Then another friend shared this picture with the following note attached:

“This is really incredible. An oral restriction, like a tongue tie affects your entire body.”

16003093_168616083623811_3780743906525190337_n

The comments from this were wonderful, with one of the women saying she wanted to learn to DIY tongue tie revision. I thought I might be one of very few who weren’t just “tempted,” but were actually serious and determined. Her comment spurred me on to finally start researching how I could *safely* revise my tongue tie, if I decide to DIY it after researching.
So, this post is about what I have learned and, eventually I will add the before and after.

This is NOT medical advise. This is not an encouragement for you or anyone to go and do this, either. It is informational only.

Craniosacral therapy before and after revision is really important – this releases built up tension that has been created all over the body from the oral restrictions. Having a natural provider help you is vital, as is CST self-treatment between sessions.

Kava kava is a good numbing tea that would be useful for adults (who are not pregnant or nursing), but I’d be likely utilizing an essential oil blend for pain, if anything. Babies tongue ties are not as fully developed in the fiberous aspect yet, and adults have more fibrous tissue in there. It’s the only reason I contemplate using a numbing agent.

Rethinking Tongue Ties: Anterior Vs Posterior Is Irrelevant is where I first understood that in order for the revision to be successful, you must cut back to create a diamond shape.

I do really well with seeing things in action to know what to do.

Here is a video that shows a nearly good diamond-revision, with laser. It looks like it needs to be further revised horizontally.
This video shows an excellent diamond-revision, plus fibrous tissues are quite clear. I appreciate that the revisionist went back a second time and ensured a clear diamond cut.

Within the family birth and home birth communities, it is heard of that a mom, dad, or midwife simply takes longer finger nails and snips the tongue tie. But, again, an adult tie is more fibrous, so I looked around for frenectomy tools. I found a 2-set of tenotomy scissors and a tongue director for under $15 total, on Amazon.

Scissors: Stevens Tenotomy Scissors Straight + Curved DDP

Tongue director: Grooved Director with Tongue Tie 5.5″

 

Stretches are pretty important. Some people have said they never did stretches on their baby and it never reattached, but most who don’t stretch find reattachment to be an issue:

Dr Ghaheri on Aftercare

Pain relief comes in a few different forms. With my babies, after they have been revised by drs, I give them Rescue Remedy for Kids for the trauma, Arnica Montana for speedy healing, and apply helichrysum essential oil (it will be copaiba essential oil from now on, now that I have that) externally around the outside of their mouths for pain relief.
I decided on these three things based on several sources (among others, these just make the information concise as to why I avoided certain things and chose others).

Revision Natural Aftercare

Copaiba: Rediscovering a Traditional Healing Plant Essence
For now, this is my little collection that I have found pertinent to possibly clipping my own tongue tie. I am still researching and looking for information to feel certain I understand both the procedure and the potential pros and cons of attempting this in my own home, on myself.

Genetic Shut-Offs, Through Food

Standard

treatmentwithnutritionI am no medical anything. I don’t pretend to be, nor do I pretend to be an expert on any of this. I am going to simply share with you the things I have found that have helped me on my Yasko protocol journey.
Some may say I am a medical luddite – I’m okay with that. I appreciate some understanding that the medical community has realized and shared with others, but I am wary of the entire system and how it effects humanity as a whole and as an individual.

That said, genetics is one area I find beautifully fascinating and am grateful for. It is not the end-all-be-all of healthcare decision making. It’s a clue-guide, for me. Yet, to see down to the fabric of our being we are intricately woven and knit together… just, beautiful. One little thread being out of place can change the design entirely. Gently nudging it towards its proper place can make profound differences to the fabric. How can I not be fascinated and in awe of this creation of God’s?!

So. Take what I say knowing I am absolutely a novice, I am not offering you medical advice, but I am willing to share the food supplements I take to shut off certain genetic defects.

This is the protocol I have been slowly following since January 2014. Here is the list, with a little less info, just bullet points really. I’ve printed this off and have it in my Bullet Journal. This is also another, simpler to read list, at the Yasko forums.

I add things low and slow, generally. The other week, I tried adding in an enzyme supplement at 2 pills with a meal, and it didn’t go well. It was too much for my system. Upon researching what could be done or why I could be responding the way that I did, I found many people in the MTHFR-struggling community have to start at about 1/8 of a capsule, as more causes issues to start with. But, usually, I start low.

I am mindful of doing as much through food rather than supplements, but I do have three things that are not food based. I am also mindful of cost, because we are on a really insanely tight budget. But Daryl nor I are willing to throw my heath to the wind, so these are done as needed. If I run out of funding, I choose lithium over the Bs, since lithium needs to stay in balance for Bs to even work properly anyway.

farmerlove
These things are what I can currently find them the cheapest for, but if you know of cheaper sources, please do share!!

Here’s what I am currently doing (or, try to do, finances permitting):

  • cod liver oil with coconut oil (First Step Support)
  • Adenosyl/Hydroxy B12 and Folate*
  • probiotics – (gut health addressed first thing) I rotate between Yasko’s Suprema Dophilus and Miracle Health Labs, but if I find dairy-free probiotics through the amazing Uberzon and get to review them, I go that route! I also seem to be able to tolerate ferments well despite glutamate being higher in them, so I utilize those more than anything, but being in health crisis mode while trying to deal with genetic defects I add in probiotics (First Step Support)
  • in place of BeCalm spray, I was fortunate enough to have made a HUGE batch of Sleep Sound tincture when I was pregnant with Leela, equal parts valerian, passionflower, and skullcap, and the herb mix is macerated in a 1:2 ratio with the cheapest vodka I can get. I have used BeCalm spray with great effect, but the Sleep Sound tincture I make is equally effective and MUCH cheaper. It happened that I ran out of BeCalm at one point, couldn’t afford more at the time, dug into researching, and found valerian and passionflower are on the GABA/glutamate list… wonderful little trouble! The herbs are all ordered through Frontier co-op. Skullcap $18/lb, valerian $14/lb, and passion flower $11/lb. (This is connected to the COMT mutation for me mainly.)
  • Salt water Sole – I use this in place of mineral drops or Bioplasma; I purchase Celtic sea salt through Azure Standard, $2.88/lb (First Step support)
  • Moringa powder – I was using Amino Assist spray, with very good effect, but budgeting constraints, again, forced me to look for alternatives, and again, very happy result to that challenge! (for MTRR mutation)
  • acerola powder – I get this through Frontier co-op for (currently) $20/lb. It lasts a very long time! It is super high in vitamin C (especially if you make it liposomal vitamin C with some sunflower lecithin) and easy to add to to smoothies (First Step support)
  • diatomaceous earth – purchased through Azure Standard for far more affordable than I’ve found anywhere else, $1.35/pound (for CBS mutation)
  • activated charcoal (for CBS mutation)
  • matcha green tea (for COMT mutation)
  • yucca powder – I order this through Azure Standard (to decrease ammonia issues, with high protein meals)
  • lithium orotate (for the MTHFR mutation, a precursur to B vitamins, so they can actually be used)
  • mag-a-hol (for CBS mutation)
  • royal jelly  (for MTRR mutation)
  • placenta – post about this, here! (MTRR mutation)

I am not including this in my current list, but I am about to try this in the next few weeks, as I can’t tolerate the enzyme pills even in the 1/8 of a capsule per DAY. I am going to make an enzyme smoothie once every other day for awhile and see how that fares (Update 7/22/17: I handle this very well and happily!).
This will include (for one person) 1 cup coconut water kefir (homemade), 1/2 cup pineapple, 1/2 cup non-GMO papaya, 1 banana, 2-3 soaked dates for sweetness, a splash of lemon or lime juice, cinnamon, ginger, peppermint (which I won’t do once nursing), and any other fruits I feel like adding.

Some other good options for enzyme-rich fruits that are affordable are kiwi, grapes, figs, and avocados.
You could also incorporate more cucumbers in the summer, throw in some flax meal to your smoothies and baked goods, eat a bit of royal jelly, bee pollen or raw honey from a local source (the bee foods are in order from most to least expensive), make yourself some pau d’arco tea (this is useful for many ailments, as well)….

 

*On the folic acid in the Seasonal Support (and by extension, the All-In-One), Yasko has this to say (source):

“I am going to be very specific with regard to why I use low dose folic acid rather than folate as there are some MAJOR MISCONCEPTIONS out there regarding folic/folate.. Folate is basically a chain of glutamates. The difference between folic acid and folate is the stability and the length of their glutamate chains. One of the main differences between folic acid and folate is that folic acid has a SHORTER glutamate chain than folate. Folic acid is also more STABLE, so it is less likely to break down into glutamate. So, if you are MTHFR C677T++ and you take high dose folate, you potentially have a chain of unused glutamate molecules left in your system. You cannot process it efficiently to 5 methyl THF because of your SNPs. You run the risk of folate’s breaking down to release glutamate into your system. STEP 1 of this program is focused on glutamate/GABA balance. I have made significant progress for some individuals merely by getting their glutamate and GABA into balance. Thus, I am NOT choosing to add a form of folate that could break down into glutamate, especially in the population I work with. I am using only a TINY bit of folic acid, to allow FIGLU to be processed. I am NOT using high dose folic acid, as that is not going to bypass MTHFR in any event. I understand there are other programs out there that use higher doses of plain folate. Perhaps those programs are less concerned with the glutamate issue. I have specific reasons for the choices I make in terms of supplements and the forms that I use. AGAIN, natural folate has MORE GLUTAMATE residues and can break down more easily to release those glutamate molecules into your system, so I prefer to use a VERY low dose of folic acid. The use of LOW dose folic acid is a choice, to limit the risk of increased glutamate in your system. The RDA for folate/folic acid is 300 micrograms for a child that is 1 year old, up to 1,000 micrograms daily for an individual 19 years of age or older. Thus the 67 micrograms used in Seasonal Support is super low dose, especially since the body does need some folate/folic acid aside from the need for 5 methyl THF and folinic. To put this in an easily understandable perspective, a bowl of cheerios has 400 micrograms of folic acid, as compared to the 67 micrograms used in Seasonal Support. FINALLY B vitamins play a role in helping to limit viral issues. A number of viruses bind to empty B vitamin receptors and THAT is why Seasonal Support has low levels of a number of B vitamins.”

Want to read more about folic acid? Go here.

Forgive As You’ve Been Forgiven – The Science of Relations

Standard

bible-quotes-about-forgiveness-1

 

I’ve been talking about the connections of faith, healing, and PTSD, but I haven’t really gotten to the PTSD aspect yet.

I’m a serious work in progress.
I have ups and downs in my healing path through PTSD. Some days I am at peace and calm (really, it is more and more often now), while other days I feel like there isn’t “the other side” or that I won’t reach it.

After the failed criminal trial, I spiraled downward.

I think I’d been silently living feeling victimized the majority of my marriage to Doctor Horrible – he rarely slept with me despite my sometimes begging, did not financially provide, called me manipulative when I cried (after he called me a whore… I can actually laugh at that insane insult, now, while realizing sadly that he is a narcissist), used the little bit of our money on drugs and alcohol, and told me it was none of my business where he was until 3am.

I can look back now and see I constantly felt like a martyr – I had to die to me to serve AND survive him… but I don’t mean that in a Biblical way. I mean that as in, I felt like in order to survive, I had to strip myself of me. I had to stop feeling, stop having opinions or thoughts or values that effected anyone else. I often felt like to survive, I needed to be on automatic, like a robot… because letting myself feel the full weight of what Doctor Horrible was in our marriage would crush me.
I also felt like my outward doing would be a light to Doctor Horrible, and despite that I am bold and striking, I tried to be soft and subtle in it, thinking that was somehow “more” God’s nature than the one He instilled in me and being me would be a sin.

Then I learned about Melody’s assaults and the wall I’d been slowly building, came crumbling down.

Through the next year and a half until the criminal trial, I think I went through most of the “stages of grief” except the fullest extent of anger. I look back and think that I struggled a lot with denial. Not denial that he had done it, but denial that while God is black and white, the world is grey… and that justice on earth may never come.
I convinced myself through my prayers that he would see justice on earth and mercy in heaven. The knowledge that we reap what we sow terrified me to think of Doctor Horrible not having justice here, and instead spending eternity separated from our Creator. That reality was and still is the most painful.

When 12 strangers chose to ignore Melody’s story, the trauma I’d been struggling through intensified to an intolerable level. NO ONE cared about the victims. No one asked what we wanted… did we want vengeance or restorative justice? Did we want eventual contact or permanent isolation? Did we want him to offer restitution to us, as it really is not society he offended, but US? Not only was our autonomy stripped away by Doctor Horrible, but it was continually stripped by the society that pretenses that it cares about victims, while they took charge of our situation for us, yet again dis-empowering us. Feeling all of this, but not having words for it, made it difficult to process it. How could we? No one allowed us to regain our autonomy in the process that should have been for us.

It wasn’t until I started slowly working my way through Changing Lenses by Howard Zehr, after having read Feelings by Karol Truman, that all of those thoughts and feelings in me had words… “oh my gosh… these words… these are what I have been feeling, thinking about, churning around and around… and no words of my own could express this.” Melody and I read part of this book together, and we both wept. I have since set it aside for Melody, while I slowly work my way through it, but the bit we did together was transformative and freeing, while also heartbreaking.

If I had been allowed time to process things and think about what I hoped for from the situation, I can say that locking Doctor Horrible in prison for the rest of his life (and he would have been, had he been found guilty, as he is still on parole for murdering a child over 2 decades ago), while giving me and Melody a temporary sense of security (from him), was not what I hoped for him, for us, for the situation. That would not only not solve much of anything, it would put him in one of the most deliberately violent, breeding-of-con-man-mentality places after telling him how bad it is to be a con-man, a violator, a violent person who would strip away another’s autonomy… while striping him of his.
I know that is what some people want with child molesters. They want vengeance. I really do get it. Sometimes, on a rare day, I breath in that holier-than-thou mentality, too. I’m human and I sometimes struggle to remember that I too nailed the nails in Christ’s wrists and that “there but for the grace of God, go I.”

When I look back from the failed criminal trial, onward, I can see two things going on me in my disappointment and brokenness. One is my humanity, angry that even though we had all of our power taken from us yet again in how I/we wanted justice to be sought, and the system that stole this from us failed even by their own standards of “justice.” I felt like our victimization was ignored (and Howard Zehr confirms this is the reality, not just my feelings) and justice was not truly what was being sought (this is my own feeling). The other is something of the Christ within me, I hope, that what I really wanted was time to heal and an opportunity to keep Melody safe from Doctor Horrible for forever, but to have advocates come to him and hold him accountable to growing up and seeing Christ in their lives, even if he chooses to never trust God. I wanted to know he would not come near her, but not to be doomed to hell on earth or in eternity. I wanted to know that justice – restorative justice could be sought and exemplified. This was a man I once loved in the most intimate of ways, had chosen to bind my life with, as evil-hearted as he had chosen to be… and I still know him to be a child that God loves.

It’s taken me so long to get to the place to be able to express all of this. But, releasing my emotions rather than pretending I could bury them and seeing Howard Zehr almost flawlessly speak on my behalf (and probably many more victims) and express my confusion, anguish, and hopes amidst a nightmare…. have helped me to do this. They’ve helped me to do even more with my past beyond Doctor Horrible, too.

The connection from these books, these teachers, has been astounding in my life, to free me to express… that I can seek forgiveness and extend it, because of the One who forgives us all of far more than we deserve.forgivenessfreedom

Food Grieving

Standard

I gave up gluten half a decade ago, wondering if it was causing my arthritis – it was. I remember being in a kind of fellowship “mourning” for a time.

 

“I am used to cooking most things from scratch, so cooking at home isn’t a big deal. But, there is literally no more eating out for me, not even to friend’s houses, really.
There’s gluten in everything. Bread, muffins, cakes, cookies, cream soups, soy sauce. *sigh*
I won’t miss gluten. I’ll miss the fellowship that surrounds food so often, foods that contain gluten. Even at Bible study last night, everyone was mowing chocolate chip cookies someone else made, and while my mouth was drooling, I know what it will do to me if I chance it too much. So, I tried to distance myself from the cookies for a bit.
I know I need to get to a point where I can sit and talk, eating nothing, while everyone else eats some goodies… I’m not there yet. I feel like I should be there immediately.”

Then, I got over it… I just prepared food before going places, in case there was nothing for me.

Sometime between then and when I went Paleo (I’ve only been doing Paleo just over a year), I really started seeing every single get together be food-centric… but, not in a pleasant way. More like this: No, Your Kid May Not Have a Snack.

I stopped having any inkling of missing out and wondered… why are we eating so often, even when we just ate a meal, even when we may not really be hungry in any way, even when we’re about to have a meal.

Then I went Paleo. I really didn’t have a mourning period with this. In fact, I was so appreciative to see my body get healthier, not just symptoms I knew were present (like mood issues), but things I’d just thought were normal for my endocrine disorder (like weight gain despite having no appetite and barely eating anything), that “missing out” at get togethers was no longer a thing. It was more like a blessing to avoid it!

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been seeing a response, much like my response to dairy, to foods with decent glutamate content. This brings mood disturbance.

I find I am feeling food grief all over again. I wonder… “what will be left to eat when I find all the things my body does not do well with?” It’s not fellowship-related this time. It’s logistics-related. It’s easy enough to find Paleo recipes… but no- or low-glutamate on top of this? This eliminates many of the nourishing foods I love so well… bone broth, gelatin, fermented foods, among many others, including a variety of nuts.

In the midst of this mourning, I am finding myself grateful that I live in a place where not only knowing what makes me sick is a reality because of anatomical/genetic understandings, but I can afford to avoid these foods, as difficult as it can be emotionally.

This all leads me to wonder about things such as NAET and BioSet. I just purchased Ellen Cutler’s Kindle book and am contemplating it. I will be updating on home-working as I go, as I can.

Rot, Part 2

Standard

image

So, what’s all the stuff about my therapy session have to do with my one rotten tooth?

Well, it led me to studying why only this tooth is rotting.

Between my therapy session, seeing such obvious physical responses to emotions, and something I recently reread in Move Your DNA, I felt compelled for the first time that my rotten tooth was not only a food/supplement issue, but because it was only one tooth, it probably came from something other than or along with physical input.

Katy Bowman, in Move Your DNA, says,

“I’ve heard disease – like an osteoarthritic knee, for example – casually explained away with statements like ‘your knee just got old and wore out.’ Why, then (in this case), is the other knee fine? Aren’t they the same age after all? In the same way, people are always surprised to learn that if they do have plaque in their arteries, they don’t have it all over. So, why in one place and not the other?”

I eat the same food with all of my teeth. I brush all of the teeth, oil pull all of the teeth, and pick food from between all of my teeth. There’s no real reason why, if one tooth is rotting, the others have not as well, when you factor in only the physical input upon my teeth.

So, I looked up emotions related to tooth decay, and found something far more interesting. I first found information about healing modalities I’d never learned of before. I’d read multiple times about protocols like Cure Tooth Decay, and using essential oils, but nothing like laser therapy or using the energy from magnets.

I then found what I was looking for, but even more detailed then I expected. I was astonished, though I’m not sure why, that each tooth has its own emotional connections. And for my tooth, the one labeled #4 (I had this side’s wisdom tooth removed long before I knew better), it had 4 possible negative emotions connected with it, but 1 immediately stood out as relatable… being my Type 4 self. Critical. My critiquing nature can, without my being mindful of it, turn to a critical one. During pregnancy, it happens far more often.
Interestingly, the pattern I have found, from all my natural health practitioners, emerges through my teeth again: thyroid/thymus issues.

In her book, Releasing Emotional Patterns with Essential Oils, Carolyn Mein says that the essential oil for releasing criticism is lavender (the other side is unconditional love and acceptance, and the way out is “I receive”). It is applied to the “skin” points, which is the tips of the inferior-most ribs, on the posterior. Grateful this is lavender, as I always have some on hand and it is an affordable oil.
I’ll begin adding this to my dental regimen (which is similar to Cure Decay, sans dairy), and see what happens.

Interesting to see rot coming from the inside, out. The positive thing is, I can change it to blessing!

Groaning

Standard

I wrote this on my old blog, about three weeks after Melody shared with me she had been molested. I recently thought of this post when I engaged in a conversation about happinoss versus joy, and heard a song that’s new to me, which I shared earlier last week.

 

anguishThere is never an “appropriate” time to talk about our situation. It will always shock, offend, make awkward, and bring sorrow to the hearts whom hear it.
You might not believe this about me if you’ve read through any of my heated topics on here (my old blog), if you don’t know me personally, but I don’t talk with an openness about difficult things. I will listen to other’s stories, I will cry for others with them. I do not speak face to face very often with brokenness over things I feel are difficult for me. Even when I do talk about difficult things for me, I smile. No pride. I want others to not worry, want them to be able to maintain their own sense of calm.

I trust God, and that is the only reason I can smile or laugh about anything these days. So it comes as a surprise to me that with those that I trust and love, I am pouring this situation forth freely. I simply cannot do this on my own. I cannot do this without support.

Each day I wake up and I hear my own voice screaming inside my head. Like my inner self recognizing my need to scream and release, but my inability to do so as soon as I wake up next to Melody, as I wash the dishes, when I cook dinner, or when I am talking with others.

On the night all of this started, I allowed myself to put a movie on for Melody, and then I went into the car, where I could see our door (and make sure she didn’t come out) and cried. I screamed. I begged God to tell me why. I called my parents in tears, told them what was happening, and for the first time in my life, I started blacking out. I didn’t quite go there, but it was close. I remember my Dad telling me to breathe.

When I don’t want to cry, I feel as though I very easily could, and I hold it back almost always. I don’t want to freak Melody out, make her worry, etc. When I want to cry, it doesn’t usually come and I feel like a robot in that moment.
I did allow myself to cry in front of Melody once so far, because though I don’t want to cry excessively in front of her, I also know that some crying in front of her is good. It lets her know that it’s okay for her to cry too.

I’ve trusted God in the easy times. Yet I haven’t just given Him lip service, but have tried desperately to serve Him, even when other’s said it didn’t matter as much as I saw that it did (does). I trust Him now. I cling to Him. I don’t talk to Him any more or less than I did before, but my prayers are so different than I’ve ever known them to be. Even when I went through other difficult things, I have never seen my prayers be like this.

When I was on the phone with my Dad that first night, there were many times during my telling him, that I stopped speaking. I started talking directly to God and almost zoned out from talking to my Dad. I would say a few words to God, and then, for the first time I can recall in my life, I groaned to God. A deep, gutteral groaning that came from the very pit of me.

I am thinking back to that night with tears in my eyes, not just because it was a difficult night, but because I truly believe that is what “praying in tongues” is – as Romans 8:26-27 says, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”

This is so raw, so deep, so unbelievable… that all I could do in the fresh knowledge of it was allow Him to speak for me through my groaning.

My prayer life is deepening. I am glad for it, but I wish I didn’t have to experience the growth as the result of such a price to others.

Romans 8 goes on to say in verse 28 that “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
I don’t know what good God has in store for Melody and I, but I trust Him, and I know that even if our good is only on the other side of eternity, it is worth it to trust in Him.