Author Archives: riverbaggins

Terrifying Honesty

Something horrifically amazing happened about a week ago.
A friend of mine had some gifts for me and I was supposed to get them ages ago, but I waited so long that by the time I was ready to go get them, my friend had moved.
When I got the address from her, my heart dropped into my stomach. I love this woman, but I knew deep in my gut that I am not now and may never be ready to visit her in her new home.
Previously, I would have let my second thought overwhelm me: I don’t want this as a burden on her. I don’t want her to learn to hate her new home. I don’t want to ruin anything for her. My second thought came quickly after the first, so quickly that it’s difficult to separate them into first and second.
The address she calls home is the place where Melody first remembers in detail being assaulted by her bio-dad. It is where I broke his ribs when he was gaslighting me and telling me I was “crazy” (still not okay that I did it). Where I first found out he was doing meth. Where I started to realize how much he hated me (it took me a few more years to understand he hated me because he hated himself) and the love was bait to lure me into being devoured. Where my most beautiful house was the place I realized he wouldn’t allow us to have a home.
I knew that I could just say nothing and make an excuse. I knew I could just push it aside for someone else’s comfort, but I also knew I wanted to sit to tea with this lovely woman. I wanted to build relationship – and that meant terrifying honesty. I didn’t want to do it for someone else, as much as I wanted to for someone else.
I told her without much detail (until now, if she sees this), but I told her that there were too many dark memories for me come to her lovely new home. And since that day, I have been bold while kind, direct in a way I haven’t been able to be before (but wanted to be) in my every day with every one. I am kind and I am strong. I am bold and I am soft. I am not going to be silent about my boundaries to make someone else comfortable any more.

I love my family and friends. It took an address for me to see that really loving people is being direct and bold with my boundaries – and people who truly love me will not be angry with that, even if they are uncomfortable or getting used to a different and more healthy approach to me loving me… so I can know how to better love them. ❤

Little Bits

Leela, while eating breakfast, “Mumma, some day, you are going to die.”
Thus begins day 3 of our scheduled learning, after a night of the littles crying most of the night from some sort of weird sickness that came on quickly around 10.
Meanwhile, Stryder is running around the house in his underwear, humming The Flash theme song and going between telling me he’s going to rescue me (as Flash) and kill me (as Zoom).
Zoe is crawling all over and showing me how she can look at me upside down, through her fingers, under a blanket. And laughing a lot.
Melody, who rocked with Zoe in her hammock, while Daryl and I took turns with Stryder and Leela through the night, got to sleep in and is now working through some subjects lounging in the living room. We are in brush-up week because the break was so long, but I am reminding her this is not “baby” work, it’s FOUNDATION work.
Today is a foundation kind of day. It’s okay if all the boxes aren’t checked off. I will let the peace of Christ reign in my heart and through my home as much as possible.
I will light a candle, burn some herbs to cleanse the air, and seek His face in quiet contemplation. I will ask my children if they want to breathe in His presence, deeply, with me.

Releasing the Tie That Binds Me, Part 2


In continuation, I have been collecting more information in preparation. This has not been a quick decision or process. I have taken a lot of time and research to get to this place.

This is NOT medical advise. This is not an encouragement for you or anyone to go and do this, either. It is informational only.

Why you’ll see me focus on head ramping in before and after pictures.

While one site could be enough, I don’t think so. lol More on head ramping, weight, etc, at Alignment Monkey, and don’t forget to also read the link there about How We Get There Matters.

In my first part of this series, I shared about physical norms that are returned to us when our ties are revised, but I recently came across an interesting blog post about the emotional and spiritual liberation one woman has found through her tongue tie being released. Check out Helena Ryan’s observations here. (I’m noting her link to a healthy “tooth fairy” with with my cavity unable unable to heal during back-to-back pregnancy and nursing!

ETA: something that I forgot to add in Part 1, was this helpful gem, which I had before I wrote that post, but for some reason did not add in. This has been helpful for me to wrap my brain around things using the tongue depressor and scissors.

Here’s some interesting info about advanced yoga practices and it goes over Slow Release. I will not be doing Slow Release, but I still found the info interesting. It also reminded me to set up a stricter protocol in place to prevent infection, since since I currently have a nasal infection. I already had “thieves oil” prepared, but I’m going to add in applying garlic honey TO the wound site every day and swishing with colloidal silver twice a day.

Oven sterilization of instruments.

Best for last! I have hunted and hunted for and video of a DIY release and THIS is beyond what I was hoping for. This man is inspiring. I was fortunate to find this days before I did my own release!! He has phases to ease his breathing issues, and this is the first phase. It’s an hour, but worth the time.

Breaking free

It’s endlessly fascinating (and often exhausting) being a type 4/winter. I simply love studying, things, ideas, all the things the Lord created, people and their behaviors – even myself! LOL
So, I have been really mindful of watching myself when I start using FB more (I am using it again… that phrasing is very interesting in light of this post) because I know, unfortunately, it’s a way to avoid emotions (yes, that works for everyone! *sarcasm*). Now I’ve done it for so long as a “coping mechanism” that it’s a scary habit, without thought.

One day, Daryl and I were driving back home together after I picked him up from work. He was talking while I held a book in my hands. I was engaged with him, but I realized I was fiddling with the book in my hands. I was thumbing it… as though it were a tablet or smart phone. That was the moment, in horror, that I decided to start studying myself, so that online time is without thought, without meaning or intention.

Last night happened so sneakily.

Daryl read me a paper about the county demanding property tax or they would send out a warrant for his arrest by X date (what the crap – debtors prison is supposed to be illegal!). I knew I was immediately pissed off with governments literally putting you at gunpoint to pay extortion  “taxes.” I knew within an hour I was not only pissed off, I was taking it out at the family by not being gracious with anything. And within 20 minutes of that, after several days of pretty limited social media, I was on for an hour solid. Stewing. I got off when I realized what I was doing.

Okay. One trigger… stress and anger.

The interesting thing, to me is, that I caught it rather quickly that I was “crutching” right then. It didn’t take me days or weeks or more.

Now, to make a list of things to, not only avoid using the device, but to get at the root issues of emotion:

“I need to journal a LOT, blog a little bit, and facebook rarely.”

Community Hopes

A few years ago, I really, truly thought someone had traveled a long way to come visit me for my birthday. I knew for certain they were already traveling about half-way. I was so psyched out and excited even though I kept saying out loud, “no, I don’t know for sure that they are coming.” But, the person I was SO hoping to see was known for surprises, so it was hard not to get too excited. I asked Daryl if he knew anything about them coming and he said no – but I thought he was in on it.
I’d just had a miscarriage about a month and a half before my birthday and it was my emotionally hardest one of all 8 miscarriages. I had finally started coming through the depression when that weekend happened. When Sunday rolled around and I knew for sure that the person wasn’t coming, I could barely get out of bed, I was so heartbroken.
I have questioned my belonging in some areas over the last little while, and I kept telling myself that I was going to see something surprising and encouraging when I came home, but I found nothing of what I was anticipating. I know I could still be surprised, but my anticipation in it is now gone.
This time, I am not huddled on my bed, feeling discouraged and isolated though. I am finding promise that I need to seek what I am needing in different ways, to invest more deeply in the individuals I’ve always loved, and not hold expectations for certain things that I am really hoping for. Let hope thrive, but not expect. ❤

What are some lessons you are learning in your emotional life right now?

Vocation Vision


As time goes on, my knowledge base grows and shifts and I realize what things tend to consistently work for most people and what things are less common in aiding people, but are still useful.
This leads me to understand, “I need to add this to my clientele offerings; I need to find a reliable source past the few books I have that have aided me and my friends.”

Right now, my vision for Forever Young Movements is to encourage in others a healing, to bring us back to a place of childlike wonder for ourselves and the world around us. This requires that we work through trauma, in our mind, body, and spirit.

With Nutritious Movement training/certification, I’m encouraging others to take self-ownership of their bodies, to move more and as naturally as possible in a technology-laden environment. This – that we are autonomous be-ings connected with one another in community – is the foundation of my beliefs and was the needed first step (pun intended!).
With craniosacral therapy, I will be offering support through releasing both physical and emotional patterns we don’t even know need to be released.
And now, I’m understanding that aromatherapy training needs to come, as aroma connects us deeply to our whole selves, helping us to make new rhythms, inviting us to experience life in a new, connected and intentional way.

Forever Young Movements is the name I chose because I truly believe we need to seek out life as little children, wise, but unencumbered by the traumas and harms we will encounter in life, delighting in the people and world around us. And I would be blessed to walk these journeys with you and help serve you.

Lent Is An Opening, Not Simply Abstaining



So, in times past I have “celebrated” Lent, intermittently over the years, but my focus had always been about merely giving something up. It felt… miserly. It never really had been presented to me (nor had it occurred to me) that it was not really just a time of self-deprivation, of simply giving something up, but is more a time of opening up and receiving MORE.

Last year, I found this beautiful post by a fellow Restorative Exercise Specialist-in-training, Katy. It was the first time I’d come to the idea of not giving up some physical thing, an item. My heart was woo’d in that short article, glimpsing in to something deeper than merely giving up some luxury item for 40 days.

Later, I came to a different article, that I can no longer seem to find, but it presented the notion that Lent is a reminder to us that in Christ’s fasting, we do not just see Him giving things up and sacrificing food, we also see Him taking on challenges and opening up to God’s will in a very different way than He does most of His ministry on earth.

Sometime between last year’s Lent and this years, Lent became about realizing sacrifice really isn’t a withholding. Sacrifice is an opening – an invitation for more than we can imagine without that sacrifice. This has transformed every sacrifice I’ve seen someone make, in my own mind. It is not, at the heart, a giving up, but a widening. Karen Ehman wrote about this to a smaller degree than the article I am thinking of, but I still love this heart: The Reverse Lent Challenge.

I have several different things I am doing this Lenten season. I hesitate to say them, if I “fail” at going 40 days, but that is actually something I am making a part of my Lenten giving up: criticism. Giving up criticism opens me up to unconditional love and acceptance – to receive grace (Releasing Emotional Patterns with Essential Oils and Feelings: Buried Alive, Never Die are both excellent resources for understanding this!. Which means I can be okay with sharing my stumbles and forgetting things over a 40 day period.

First, I am going to make a Lenten calendar, as a celebration of what giving up really means – beauty.

Right now, a huge time-suck for myself and my children is technology. Television for them and internet for me. Shifting away from “device” is not merely to abstain, but to open up to so much more in our lives. So, my biggest physical “giving up” is televison and internet. We’re putting holds on Netflix and Hulu, freezing our internet service, and in these things place, spending more time outdoors, making handicrafts for others, and enjoying time reading and cooking together. Being with others.

Daryl, hearing me hash all of this out, started thinking quietly to himself. The following day, he said, “I was thinking about what you said, about giving something up actually leading to opening to better things. I want to give up overtime for Lent.” {stomach punch} To myself: you mean the thing that helps us make it paycheck to paycheck? 8 hours a week for meeting our bill needs and lately  another 8 to pay for extra like internet, school books (not really extras, but yet it is) and my certification week coming up.
What an encouragement from my husband, though. Trusting God will provide while Daryl spends more time over the next 40 days with us and with our community.

Not only am I putting our tv away for Lent, I am pulling specific books in for our family, incorporating/encouraging a blend of fun activities, rich activities, and quieting activities.

My heart is open and ready, preparing for renewal.
Do you do something to celebrate Lent? How have you viewed the Lenten season over your life?