Breaking free

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It’s endlessly fascinating (and often exhausting) being a type 4/winter. I simply love studying, things, ideas, all the things the Lord created, people and their behaviors – even myself! LOL
So, I have been really mindful of watching myself when I start using FB more (I am using it again… that phrasing is very interesting in light of this post) because I know, unfortunately, it’s a way to avoid emotions (yes, that works for everyone! *sarcasm*). Now I’ve done it for so long as a “coping mechanism” that it’s a scary habit, without thought.

One day, Daryl and I were driving back home together after I picked him up from work. He was talking while I held a book in my hands. I was engaged with him, but I realized I was fiddling with the book in my hands. I was thumbing it… as though it were a tablet or smart phone. That was the moment, in horror, that I decided to start studying myself, so that online time is without thought, without meaning or intention.

Last night happened so sneakily.

Daryl read me a paper about the county demanding property tax or they would send out a warrant for his arrest by X date (what the crap – debtors prison is supposed to be illegal!). I knew I was immediately pissed off with governments literally putting you at gunpoint to pay extortion  “taxes.” I knew within an hour I was not only pissed off, I was taking it out at the family by not being gracious with anything. And within 20 minutes of that, after several days of pretty limited social media, I was on for an hour solid. Stewing. I got off when I realized what I was doing.

Okay. One trigger… stress and anger.

The interesting thing, to me is, that I caught it rather quickly that I was “crutching” right then. It didn’t take me days or weeks or more.

Now, to make a list of things to, not only avoid using the device, but to get at the root issues of emotion:

“I need to journal a LOT, blog a little bit, and facebook rarely.”

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