A few years ago, I really, truly thought someone had traveled a long way to come visit me for my birthday. I knew for certain they were already traveling about half-way. I was so psyched out and excited even though I kept saying out loud, “no, I don’t know for sure that they are coming.” But, the person I was SO hoping to see was known for surprises, so it was hard not to get too excited. I asked Daryl if he knew anything about them coming and he said no – but I thought he was in on it.
I’d just had a miscarriage about a month and a half before my birthday and it was my emotionally hardest one of all 8 miscarriages. I had finally started coming through the depression when that weekend happened. When Sunday rolled around and I knew for sure that the person wasn’t coming, I could barely get out of bed, I was so heartbroken.
I have questioned my belonging in some areas over the last little while, and I kept telling myself that I was going to see something surprising and encouraging when I came home, but I found nothing of what I was anticipating. I know I could still be surprised, but my anticipation in it is now gone.
This time, I am not huddled on my bed, feeling discouraged and isolated though. I am finding promise that I need to seek what I am needing in different ways, to invest more deeply in the individuals I’ve always loved, and not hold expectations for certain things that I am really hoping for. Let hope thrive, but not expect. ❤
What are some lessons you are learning in your emotional life right now?