I gave up gluten half a decade ago, wondering if it was causing my arthritis – it was. I remember being in a kind of fellowship “mourning” for a time.
“I am used to cooking most things from scratch, so cooking at home isn’t a big deal. But, there is literally no more eating out for me, not even to friend’s houses, really.
There’s gluten in everything. Bread, muffins, cakes, cookies, cream soups, soy sauce. *sigh*
I won’t miss gluten. I’ll miss the fellowship that surrounds food so often, foods that contain gluten. Even at Bible study last night, everyone was mowing chocolate chip cookies someone else made, and while my mouth was drooling, I know what it will do to me if I chance it too much. So, I tried to distance myself from the cookies for a bit.
I know I need to get to a point where I can sit and talk, eating nothing, while everyone else eats some goodies… I’m not there yet. I feel like I should be there immediately.”
Then, I got over it… I just prepared food before going places, in case there was nothing for me.
Sometime between then and when I went Paleo (I’ve only been doing Paleo just over a year), I really started seeing every single get together be food-centric… but, not in a pleasant way. More like this: No, Your Kid May Not Have a Snack.
I stopped having any inkling of missing out and wondered… why are we eating so often, even when we just ate a meal, even when we may not really be hungry in any way, even when we’re about to have a meal.
Then I went Paleo. I really didn’t have a mourning period with this. In fact, I was so appreciative to see my body get healthier, not just symptoms I knew were present (like mood issues), but things I’d just thought were normal for my endocrine disorder (like weight gain despite having no appetite and barely eating anything), that “missing out” at get togethers was no longer a thing. It was more like a blessing to avoid it!
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been seeing a response, much like my response to dairy, to foods with decent glutamate content. This brings mood disturbance.
I find I am feeling food grief all over again. I wonder… “what will be left to eat when I find all the things my body does not do well with?” It’s not fellowship-related this time. It’s logistics-related. It’s easy enough to find Paleo recipes… but no- or low-glutamate on top of this? This eliminates many of the nourishing foods I love so well… bone broth, gelatin, fermented foods, among many others, including a variety of nuts.
In the midst of this mourning, I am finding myself grateful that I live in a place where not only knowing what makes me sick is a reality because of anatomical/genetic understandings, but I can afford to avoid these foods, as difficult as it can be emotionally.