A large part of my emotional life is being a secondary survivior. There are many aspects of being the mother of a molestation victim that have made me stronger. Many other aspects have broken my heart and shattered the life I once knew and relied upon. All of it has shaped me and changed me.
I am still trying to find the balance in my life, between talking about this part of my life so that I can move forward, can heal, can bless others, while not letting it consume me, bog me down, or make me bitter.
That said, the man I once called my husband, has a large part of this story. He is one of two men who abused Melody, the other man being his brother. Rather than referring to them as “the bastards who shattered my daughter’s world and got away with it,” I feel a need to give them names, for clarity when writing about them. So I am turning again to my geek world, to a super villain and a hero that are both massive jokes. It feels fitting to name them from Dr Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, from the characters that are at once evil/good, self-absorbed, and pathetic.
Dr Horrible is my ex-husband: filled with the intent to do and be evil, yet somehow there’s something pathetic, sad, lonely, and broken about him that makes you want to help him. This was the epitome of my relationship with Dr Horrible. He was a narcissist that strung me along and blame-shifted everything – but like a good little victim of a narcissist, I felt sad for him and wanted so badly to help him, even when he had no intentions of stopping any of his terrible actions, and used my desire to love him and help him to guilt me and twist me around when I asked him to examine things he had done, like use drugs, not provide financially, cause scenes when he was intoxicated and wanted to take Melody for car rides and I refused. The criminal court case against him resulted like much of his life does – a narrow escape from correction of what he did.
Captain Hammer is his brother: he looks innocent at first glance, but really he was just a tool with a screwed-up ideal of himself and the world around him, thinking everyone was there to serve him constantly. It fits as best as anything. His brother has slight mental handicaps. He can function completely on his own, but does foolish things like carrying a gun out in the open walking down main street. Or going out for a walk to a tornado shelter during terrible weather without telling anyone. He looks almost innocent, but his deeds were more graphic to hear about than Dr Horrible’s. Because of his disabilities, despite the police of a podunk town finding evidence that Melody spoke of in her report of assault, they never went after him in court.
Still, as evil as they choose to be, I find myself praying for them frequently, that they will accept Christ’s love and forgiveness, and become new creatures in Christ. I hope to never see them again on earth, but desire to see them in Paradise