Postpartum Scare, Part 1

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Let me begin all of this with  the understanding that I am a secondary survivor. I talk about these things with the permission of my daughter, who is the strongest survivor I have ever met.
When our Leela postpartum story is shared, I am sure there are some people who have thought to themselves, “Why didn’t you just do what your midwife wanted from the beginning?” They innocently believe that if you have done nothing wrong, there’s no reason to hide. Here are some reasons behind my motivations to resist.

I am the one that reported family members who were molesting a minor, when I was presented with actual evidence that it happened. I personally have seen and experienced the hell that everyone is put through when an official accusation has been made. Whether the accused is guilty or innocent (and in our case, they both were guilty, one of the assailants even had evidence pulled from their home), their life is forever changed, the surrounding public never holds them with the same view.

If family member(s) were sexually abused, they have lived a whole life of hell already, but the legal aspect is just another added kind of hell and torment for the victim/survivor. It forces them to confront what happened to them on a timed basis that is not their own, before people they may feel are hostile towards them, and may see nothing come about for their openness.

The secondary victims/survivors will desperately try to sift through the confusion and heartache in the aftermath of learning what happened to their loved one(s), while also being the stable support system for the assaulted loved one in the midst of potential questioning, legal action, and all of the ramifications that come with having that terrible secret released (which it needs to be).

It is not something I chose to do without evidence or did in a hasty, thoughtless manner. If all I had was suspicion, I would not report and destroy a possibly innocent person’s life (though, I would keep a cautious eye upon them, as much as I humanly could).
Earlier, I posted up about wanting safe, healthy transparency for clients and midwives, through a review site for midwives, thoughts that have grown and formed from partly previous life experience and partly in how my midwife wanted my voice silenced on an issue that took place when Leela was not even a week earth-bound. Part of my previous life experience was a vast amount of true stories about families and social services, stories I had read about long before I even knew Daryl, much less been holding Leela in my womb.

Families Torn Apart Illegally? article

It was something that markedly shaped my willingness (or unwillingness) to do what my midwife wanted. I read stories of innocent families being harassed and having children take away by CPS on a regular basis, when they take a child in for an injury that happened on a bicycle or some other innocent injury, or were trying to get a child a bit of medical help and CPS turned on them illegally, or…. many things. Issues in the good ol’ USA, like these:

  • Maryanne Godboldo ~ developmentally delayed child taken into state custody (the “safe” foster system where she was molested and abused), because her mother wouldn’t put her on a heavy psychiatric drug that doctors said her daughter did not need. Let’s not even get into the fact that the CPS worker had a CAGE to put the daughter in.
  • Jodi Ferris – daughter held hostage because mother had home birth and questioned the use of Hep B shot.
  • Twins taken for one bump on the head – 5 doctors confirmed no abuse, police confirmed no abuse, CPS still charged forward
  • Russian couple has baby stolen for a week – CPS takes baby because parents refused eye drops and vitamin K shot, even though there is ample evidence that the shot is detrimental
  • William’s Family – ER visit for accident leads to CPS inquisition…  feel like taking your kid in for a normal accident? {shudder}
  • I also get to read from HSLDA, many cases where state officials were sent to a home and children were taken for a time simply because the parents teach their own children diligently at home.

All of this was built up in me long before my scare with a midwife who self-describes herself as “only working with normal.” This all comes before the blood. The dime- to nickel-size spot of blood that led to me questioning for some time, everything about midwifery, trust, and medical care in birth.

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One response »

  1. Pingback: Postpartum Scare, Part 2 | Beautiful Chaos

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