Blogging has always been an outlet for me, in the days I used to be the wife of a drug addict, and a mother to a beautiful only-child. I used it like a journal that I hoped could bless someone in some way.
Then I became a single mama. A single, Christ-following, homeschooling, home-business running, student midwife, secondary victim mama.
What I thought was the worst point in our lives, worsened. The secondary victim aspect of my life slammed me in the face in a huge way: a criminal trial against one of the men that abused my child, their biological father; the guilty was found not guilty. His lawyer used my words of honesty and willingness to be a better person, and twisted them against me. His friend drove by a place I would frequent, just to let me know they knew where we could be accessed. His parent’s church leaders wrote on my blog about how I should be ashamed to speak out against a convicted child abuser and child murderer – as though it was impossible for him to have abused my child too.
I chose to shut my blog down, for fear that the monster who escaped justice, would try to twist my honesty again, try to take my child from me, and abuse them over and again.
For quite some time, I felt trapped. Felt stifled to speak the truth, to be who I am (a work in progress, as everyone should be willing to be), to share, learn, and grow with others.
I started blogging again, after my husband adopted our daughter, because I didn’t want to hide in the shadows any longer. My family did nothing wrong and I will not act as though we did. Abusers are the only ones who should be ashamed.
Beautiful Chaos works for my life for so many reasons. Having a richer, fuller life is absolutely chaotic at times, but it offers a beauty and hope that I am constantly grateful for.
I hope that some part of my journey will bless you, and you will bless another in some way because of it.